I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
