Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
