She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
