Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
