my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
