i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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