my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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