...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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