I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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