Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize