the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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