How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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