just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i've created a new STD.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
