I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
