yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
