I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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