I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize