I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
