I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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