I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
