3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do vagina's smell?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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