I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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