Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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