Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm just crazy horny about you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
