i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
