i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
