and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
