i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize