She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
