Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
