and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
