Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My vagina is officially offended.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
