I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
