my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
