My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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