Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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