She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
