When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
