Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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