Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
