dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
