My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
