this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
