Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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