hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
