he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
