does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
