Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
