don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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