the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
