A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
