Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
