I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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