After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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