i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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