i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
