i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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