I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
