I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
