I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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