one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
