Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
