I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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