It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
