Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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