even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize