Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
