are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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