he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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