Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
